


Letting Go

by kachicu



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Apologies, Flashbacks, Help, I love Starscream he's my favorite character leave me alone, Moving On, Past Abuse, Post War, THIS IS ALL I KNOW, Windblade is mentioned like once, but she isn't important this is between the edgelords, enjoy lads, letting go of past abuse, the angst playlist is back, why do i keep writing angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:27:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22288645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kachicu/pseuds/kachicu
Summary: Change. No one saw how hard Starscream was trying to change- to be better than what the Decepticons had morphed him into. But maybe the mech who made his life a living hell showing up to made amendments is all the seeker needs to make the first step of letting go of his past. To be better.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 5





	Letting Go

**Author's Note:**

> Guys please help I literally can't stop writing angst IT'S HOLDING ME HOSTAGE HELP M

Regrets.

That was something Starscream had a lot of.

Sure, the seeker would have loved to have a normal life. Not having to live in constant fear that everyone was suddenly against you sounded almost like a dream come true to him. Yet some dreams were just meant to stay out of reach.

Star, of course, was messed up, and he knew exactly who to blame.

Megatron.

The warlord had swept him up into the Decepticon cause, using lies and deceit to turn him against his own kind. His own blood. Granted, he should have paid more attention. He shouldn't have been such a fool. Yet he was stuck with a past that everyone despised him for. He was so idiotic when he joined. Manipulated by lies and empty promises of greatness.

He should have just run when he had the chance, but he didn't.

He thought he could do something, and it only grew when he received the title of Second in Command. And with that title came the abuse and backlash that made him the mech he was today. He was an untrustworthy, backstabbing, lying seeker who assisted Megatron in a war that should have never even happened. But he was traumatized. He could never live a normal life because the demons of his past would always be there to remind him who he really was, and where he really belonged- or really, where he didn't belong.

Sure, Star was trying to improve, but no one ever saw that did they?

All they ever saw was what he was. Decepticon SIC. Sure, he'd killed plenty but hadn't they all? Despite how much they all wanted to deny it, they all had energon on their hands. All because of that Hellspawned war that no one ever wanted- well, except for Megatron.

Megatron hadn't seen any worth in him. He merely saw a feisty seeker that needed to be constantly beaten at every small inconvenience- Starscream had the scars littering his protoform to prove it. They were all there with their own story's to tell. And they were almost all inflicted by the one mech he feared most.

But sure, Megatron could be redeemed, but he couldn't.

Maybe he was just never meant to.

Maybe all of his efforts were for nothing.

This was just who he was.

Gears shifted as Starscream shifted from his alt mode to his bot form, landing with a heavy thud on the ground and stirring up dust. Flying sure helped to clear his processor, yet sometimes it just wasn't able to be cleared. With all these thoughts and doubts he sometimes couldn't help but wish that he could go back and fix everything, yet he was stuck.

No one would ever believe he could change.

He was trapped.

Stuck in the confines of his own fears.

The seeker let out a shuddering sigh, glancing around for a moment before taking a few steps forward. His wings were held low behind him, servos clenched into fists that allowed his talons to dig into his palms.

He just wanted to be free of his past, was that too much to ask for?

Pedesteps sounded near him and Starscream whipped around, wings held stiffly behind him. Silver armor glinted in the light and within an instant, he knew exactly who had crept up before him.

_Starscream cried out, frame being slammed into a wall as a large servo tightened its grip around his neck cables. Memories of fear and panic swept through his frame like a raging sea. He had to fight back. He had to escape. He'd be left for scrap if he didn't fight back now why couldn't he move why was he so scARED WHY COULDN'T HE MOVE EVERYTHING HURT WHY-_

Megatron.

Megatron was the reason behind everything he was. Everything he was trying to rid of.

And for a moment, despite his well-known character, Starscream didn't know what to say. He had been known to be manipulative, having a sharp tongue and could spit back words in an instant but... now?

He didn't know what to say.

He was just... lost.

"...Come back to finish the job, have you?" Star finally spat, faceplates scrunching up some in a clear snarl. Panic surged through his chest but he forced it down, voice laced with a clear hatred for the warlord. His spark spun rapidly in its casing.

For a second pure confusion crossed the larger mechs face- but that couldn't be right... "What d-"

"Don't play dumb with me!" The seeker shrieked, wings flaring out as his wings grew rigid. He didn't have a cool to keep at this point. His last sliver of sanity had been teetering on the edge of losing it and this had been its final push. "I know you came back to just tear out my spark and leave me for my frame to never be found! Isn't that what you've always wanted? To just slaughter me like some mere pest and move on with your life as if I was nothing? Just a small bug to be smashed beneath your pede?"

"Starscream-"

"I know you want to kill me! That's the whole reason you're here so just do it! All of Cybertron will rejoice upon my deactivation so just do it..."

Silence.

"...Just kill me. Just end it like you always wanted to."

Starscream's helm lowered and he flinched back when the heavy pedesteps came closer. He refused to look up when the silver plating crept into his vision. He just couldn't. It was too much. 

"Starscream... I haven't come to kill you."

No... that couldn't be right.

"I... came to apologize."

No- this was wrong-

"Why would _you_ of all mechs need to apologize, huh?" Star demanded, finally raising his helm to glare up at the mech who had made his existence a living hell. "What do you want from me- and be honest this time! We _both_ know you don't want to apologize! You're either here to just use me or beat me into the ground-!" He couldn't tell if his voice was agitated or fearful anymore. He just wanted to get this over with.

Megatron blinked, brows furrowing as he looked down at the seeker. The former warlord knew he had taken up the brunt of his wrath, and after all that had happened... the guilt was too much to handle and he knew he had to apologize to Starscream. And he knew the seeker could have been so much better had he not been caught up with everything he ever did.

"Starscream, I've only come to talk- I mean no harm."

_"I've heard that one before._ Besides, what did talking ever do before, hmm? Isn't abuse the only way to go? _Isn't that what you always did to me?"_

Megatron heaved a sigh, shaking his helm some. He really had hurt the seeker.

"I'll admit this, my beliefs were wrong back then, Starscream. It was wrong of me to abuse you in such ways before." He wanted to fix this. The seeker before him had gone through so much by his hands. And he knew he didn't deserve to live out the rest of his life always glancing over his shoulder in paranoia of the former warlord coming back to slaughter him.

Starscream took a step back, plating starting to rattle as he invented shakily. "You-you're lying! I know it!"

"I'm not, Starscream."

"You ARE! No one EVER changes! You're just acting! Manipulating me into letting my guard down so you can kill me! You may have done it before but I'm not falling for your lies again! Sure the rest of those imbeciles have but I WON'T! YOU MAY HAVE MOVED ON BUT I HAVEN'T!"

The seekers sucked in a breath, frame heaving with the effort of inventing. He was struggling to vent and he was... _scared._

"Starscream... I'm sorry."

The seeker sniffled.

"Bots do change. But I made you fear that change. It made you terrified of me. And I'm sorry."

Starscream blinked, red eyes widening as he stared up at the mech before him.

He couldn't be...

Megatron took a step forward and Starscream cringed back, arms flying up to shield his face out of pure instinct. Yet the action made Megatron himself reel back, the realization of just how bad he had messed up the seeker hitting him full-fledge like a huge wave. Regret settled deep in his chest.

"Why... why won't you just beat me into the ground? Knock me down until I can't get up again? What's holding you back...?"

_Laughter echoed above him as Starscream gasped weakly, letting out a wet cough that sent energon splattering to the floor. He couldn't feel one of his legs and it hurt everything hurt he couldn't move he-_

"No. I won't kill you- _I can't._ I promise you, Starscream, I'm not going to bring any more harm to you. Not after all I've done to you already. I know you may never forgive my actions, but I'm going to apologize anyway."

Starscream watched Megatron closely as if expecting the mech to suddenly turn on him. He always did.

"But why apologize to me of all mechs? Why can't you just forget your _dear little useless screw up of a Second in Command?"_

"Because I can't. Not after everything."

"And who's to say I have to accept your apology?"

_Starscream screeched as his wing was ripped off, cables sparking and energon dripping steadily to the floor to gather in a puddle. Pain was all he knew. Pain was all he was meant for. He was made to be broken and broken he was._

"No one. You don't have to- and it's to be expected. Not after everything."

_"Please... I'm sorry-!"_

_"Sorry doesn't pay for your mistakes, Starscream."_

But...

Maybe this was genuine?

Why else would the warlord come back to say such things to him? He hadn't killed him yet. So maybe he meant the apology.

Maybe... he could move on.

"I... accept... your apology." The words felt foreign on his glossa, and it suddenly felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from his tired shoulders.

"Are you... sure? You don't have to-"

"Yes, I do." Starscream spoke lowly, wings falling into a neutral position as he kicked up dust with one of his pedes. Folding his hands behind his back he inhaled shakily, taking a second to swallow the lump in his throat. "We both need to move on, and this is the way we're going to do that. You become a better mech and I'll do my best to do the same, deal?"

Star watched as the corner of Megatron's mouth twitched up in a grin.

"Deal."

"Then off with you!" Star waved a servo in a dismissive manner, spinning around as he started to shift into his alt mode. "I'm sure we both have a long road to go- and I'm sure your little 'friends' or whatever need you back. Windblade will have my head if I go missing for too long."

Star didn't give the other a chance to respond as he shot into the sky, twisting gracefully as if he knew the sky better than the wind itself.

And for once, he felt freer than he had since the war had started.

Maybe moving on had been the answer this whole time.

**Author's Note:**

> Me, reading this while halfway through: man this is angsty can't wait for the next h-  
> Me, realizing I'm the one writing this: wHY
> 
> aNYWAYS CHECK OUT MY INSTAGRAM IT'S KACHICU THANKS FOR READING MY BULL LOVE U GUYS UR ALL DOING GREAT


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